18 January – 4th day of chemo

I’m going to try something different. I need to keep my mind and heart focused on the positive during this journey, so I’m going to start off my posts with a small list of things that I’m grateful for. Forgive me in advance if some of them seem a bit maudlin!

1. My wonderful, kind, caring, sometimes a bit too stoic, very protective and altogether beloved husband Rory.

2. My daughter Lauren. Compassionate, extremely intelligent, lost-in-space, goofy, stream-of-consciousness, wise beyond her years, beautiful inside and out.

3. My daughter Leyna. My unstoppable force of nature. Fiery, fierce, painfully snarky, yet compassionate and nurturing, tall and entirely too proud of it!

Oh, now THIS is cool! Apparently a member of the San Antonio Symphony Orchestra will be playing down the hall by the nurses’ station at 10:30 this morning. No idea yet which instrument they’ll be playing but it will have to be one of the more portable ones (no Steinway concert grand). Personally, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a cello!

No cello. French horn! Almost as good!

My rowdy krewe came to visit me this afternoon. I actually got a full-metal hug from Leyna, who normally isn’t that much into hugging. She gripped both my arms and stared at me intently while asking how I was feeling. Lauren was a floppy puppy, content to just be snuggled. And then there was my Ror, who couldn’t stop touching my hand, almost like he was afraid I would disappear. This has got to be hard on them all. I love them so very, very much.

Well, I found out that I have one more 30-minute infusion of chemo tonight, followed by two 15-minute chemo infusions tomorrow (one of which is nicknamed “the Red Devil” and will turn my pee pink), and then my body will be given a break and a chance to rest. Of course, I’ll probably also be at my most vulnerable due to the chemo wiping out all my immunity. Meanwhile, I continue to retain water. I swear, everything below my lower rib cage is completely unrecognizable. Thigh gap? HAH!!! Not like I had one anyway (what 59-year-old woman does?), but this is ridiculous.