16 February, round #2

Today should have been a better day and I suppose it was overall, but I’m still feeling crushingly lonely. Rory, Lauren and Leyna arrived this morning for a visit and it was wonderful to see them. They brought Valentine’s cards that are now brightening the window sill of my room. I wish I’d thought to bring something cheerful or nature-related to stick up onto my room walls because it’s so cold and clinical otherwise.

After the family left I actually got dressed in real clothes. Rory had brought along some long-sleeve t-shirts and my favorite pajama pants, so I felt nearly human as I took my walkies around the unit. I lost count of the laps I walked although I know it wasn’t really that far. Still, it felt good to be able to walk unhampered by the “ball and chain”.😊

I nearly passed out in the bathroom this afternoon. I had finished my shower but I was feeling progressively weaker as I pulled my clothes back on and I couldn’t seem to get enough air. I was leaning against the small countertop, panting like I’d just run a marathon, when my vision began to darken and narrow. I made it to the bed just in time and collapsed for a few minutes to recover. I should know better than to attempt showers or anything else physically taxing in the afternoons because I know now that I’m at my weakest at that time of day. I know, you wouldn’t ordinarily think of taking a shower as physically strenuous, but I’ve lost a good deal of weight and my energy reserves are at a very low ebb. Just getting out of bed can sometimes be a challenge!