20 April, cycle 2B

My numbers are dropping through the floorboards. My white cells haven’t budged and are still at 0.1 and my hemoglobin has dropped to the point where I’ll need another transfusion. Platelets are doing okay but only because of the transfusion yesterday. I guess this is all normal and to be expected but DAMMIT I’d hoped to be on the upswing by now. I’ve only been in the hospital for two weeks but it feels like a lifetime. Now that the weather is clearing and warming up I’m feeling increasingly restless. I want to be outside enjoying the nice days rather than being cooped up in a room that I’m not allowed to leave. At least I have a decent-sized south-facing window and a good view. I’d be blibbering by now if I were stuck on the north side of the tower, although there are a few rooms way over on the northwest corner that look out over the hospital’s main entrance and the Hill Country beyond. Not so bad. I have NO idea where I’ll be stuck when I come back on May 4th. Since the unit consolidated with the bone marrow transplant patients we’re at nearly full capacity and choice rooms are hard to come by. All these issues are completely beyond my control, I know that, and I’m working on letting it all go and just drifting from day to day, but old habits die hard.

Transfusion’s done and the Benadryl is predictably kicking my butt. I’ve wanted to nap all day and haven’t done much more than move from my bed to the bathroom and back. I’ve thought about doing some exercises but haven’t yet taken action on that thought. I may just start up a movie and zone out for a while.

I ended up watching another Avengers flick just to pass the time, then started in on the pilot of Breaking Bad. Rory told me about a documentary on Apple+ that I might like so I’ll probably check that out soon, perhaps tomorrow morning. Anything to keep me distracted!