31 May – fifth break, last day

I have a lot to do today to prepare for re-incarceration tomorrow. I also should call the hospital and let Eight South know that I’ll be coming in later than usual because Rory has to work until noon. That should also help to postpone the bone marrow biopsy and spinal tap until the following morning at least.😄 That also means that I’ll be able to grab an early lunch and won’t have to rely on ordering something from Food and Nutrition. This should work out nicely!

So, I have a confession to make. The bone marrow biopsy worries me. A lot. I’m afraid that it might show cancer cells in the marrow, despite having gone through four full chemo cycles since my last biopsy. This is what I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life and it’s the last, and probably biggest, hurdle that I’ll need to negotiate. I will need to find a way to manage and overcome this horrible uncertainty, this sword of Damocles dangling over my head. I need to maintain focus on the now rather than fill myself with unnecessary anxiety over the unknown because that will do absolutely nothing for me and may cause additional damage. I’ve often said that worrying is my superpower. I need to chuck that sh*t and find a new superpower! I think I’ll also need to find a survivors support group in my area so I won’t have to do this alone.

More jewelry fabrication this afternoon. I finished two necklaces and both look really, really good. Now it’s on to the earrings, which I’ll do while I’m in hospital. I wish I had a portable magnifying light to take along! I’ve been borrowing Rory’s big magnifier, which clamps onto the edge of a table and has a built-in light source, but there’s no way I can take that thing with me, it’s too bulky and heavy. Guess I’ll have to take off my glasses and hold the work up to my nose!😄

Leyna made a truly stellar pasta dish tonight for dinner. The sauce had cream in it but was still light, lemony and had a rich wonderful flavor, helped out by artichoke hearts that had been lightly seared in olive oil. Wow, that kid’s an amazing cook. I have NO worries of her starving once she goes off to college. Lauren, on the other hand, is a concern. She’ll need intensive coaching in the kitchen if she’s to survive on anything more than ramen noodles. The trouble with her is that she has absolutely NO interest in cooking. Hell, she has no interest in food, which is a concept that I simply can’t wrap my head around. I’ve ALWAYS loved to eat. Mealtimes were (and still are) my favorite times of the day. *Sigh* It is a puzzlement.

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