17 June, cycle 3B

Pain. Rolling, seething, crashing waves of pain. It’s all that I know now and I feel like I’ve always been mired in it and will never escape. My rational mind knows better, of course, but when it feels as though some demented serial killer is repeatedly plunging an ice pick into my left eardrum, I tend to lose focus. This is horrible. We’re trying a different med today that I can’t even spell or pronounce but it’s supposed to help with nerve pain. Apparently it’s given to diabetics who suffer from neuropathy in their feet and lower legs and what I’m experiencing is, we’re pretty sure, nerve pain. Meanwhile, my eating habits have had to be altered and I can no longer chew. That means soft foods like soup, mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, chicken or tuna salad, basically anything that I can swallow whole. I coat my mouth with the weird pink stuff before every meal and it helps to dull the pain somewhat. This. Sucks. Ass.

My fever’s climbing again. At last vitals check, maybe a half hour ago, my temp was 99.6. Not good, and it looks like I’m headed for YET ANOTHER blood transfusion. Ugh.

The fever dropped a bit but the pain is still very much with me. I really, really hope that I can sleep tonight because I’m flat-out exhausted, mostly from being knocked sideways by waves of pain.