11 April


Had a REALLY rough night last night. I was put on a diuretic rather late (around 7pm) because I was turning into a swollen tick and also because my nursing staff is trying to keep my blood pressure under control. I’ve never before experienced high blood pressure so I don’t really know where this is coming from. It could be the new combination of chemo drugs, or it could simply be my anxiety over being back in the hospital and peering blindly into the unknown. Either way, I’m once again turning into a walking pharmacopeia.

I may end up sleeping for a good portion of the day today, because in addition to the diuretic last night I also received platelets at about 3 this morning and took some Benadryl beforehand to counteract any possible allergic reaction. As a result, I’m a mumbling zombie. Benadryl knocks me flat.

The weird half-dream, half-hallucination chemo-induced haze is making its return. I remember during my very first cycle more than two years ago, I seriously thought I was losing it because I actually half-believed that the nurses were out to get me. I also had a frightening and incredibly vivid… dream? Vision? Hallucination? Anyway, in the dream I was attempting to walk down the hospital corridor, dragging my IV pole (the old ball and chain), when all these metallic IV hoses equipped with grappling claw-like ends began snaking their way out of the walls and ceiling and pursued me down the hallway, attempting to latch on to any patch of bare skin they could find. Horrific. Thankfully, I now have a bit more perspective on the treatment cycles and can brace myself accordingly. Still, my brain is definitely not firing on all cylinders today!