18 April

1. Clouds
2. Birdsong
3. Soft cool grass underfoot
4. Tree leaves shimmering in the late afternoon sunlight

Last night I finally caved and pleaded for some Pink Magic, an analgesic liquid that numbs the mouth temporarily. It killed the pain in my mouth long enough for me to be able to fall asleep. Despite all the discomfort, I was able to sleep fairly well, especially after I was given Benadryl before YET ANOTHER platelet transfusion at around 4 this morning. I slept right through shift change, which is unusual given that the noise in the outer hall amps up by an order of magnitude. Unfortunately, I also needed blood later in the morning so I was given ANOTHER Benadryl dose just before 10 and that has completely flattened me for the day.

My poor hospital bed is once again becoming the victim of my helpless frustration over my pain level. It makes for a great punching bag. I just hope I don’t bruise my knuckles because I don’t want to look like a has-been bantam-weight fighter.

There really isn’t a whole lot more to report. I’ve been a puddle of sludge all day and sludge puddles don’t generally experience a whole lot of excitement. I really hope I can eat my dinner because it’s chicken Alfredo, one of the hospital kitchen’s more palatable offerings. The sauce isn’t gluey like your typical Alfredo sauce – rather, it’s nice and light and the chicken chunks are tender. Those chunks may cause me a lot of grief but dammit, I’m HUNGRY. The good thing is that the hospital nutritionist came in today to check on my appetite and put Ensure on my list of approved foods. Now, you’re probably thinking, why on earth would she want to go near that stuff? It’s gross! It really isn’t though, as long as it’s chocolate and I can pour it over some crushed ice. After it sits for a bit and the ice melts somewhat, it becomes a pleasant chocolate slushy, albeit with a pronounced multi-vitamin-like aftertaste. Still, I need the calories.