19 April

GRATITUDES:
1. Dr. Rao, my cardiologist here at the hospital
2. My two ginger-colored plush bears who followed me to the hospital and are currently standing guard. One of them accompanied me on my first commercial flight to England, so he’s extra special.
3. The sound of water
4. My continued relative physical strength through all of this

Welp, I have my next-to-last Vincristine infusion today. I sincerely hope I don’t have the same reaction that I had last week, or I may not be able to sit down for a while. Graphic, sorry, but it was truly a bum-burning experience. I’ve been told that diarrhea isn’t a usual reaction so it may have been a combination of all the drugs I’m currently taking, but I’m still approaching this with a bit of trepidation.

Nearly everyone who walks into my room remarks on how tidy it is and what good energy it has. Maybe it’s the painted windows, or maybe it’s my window sill display of the things that make me happy, like my bowl or the rocks I brought back from Rhode Island, or my big chunks of fluorite that are the color of tropical seawater. Or maybe it’s me, I don’t know, but it’s still somewhat gratifying to know that the nurses can feel like they have a small oasis of calm amidst their hectic days. I actually told one of them that I had thought of bringing a small disco ball and hanging it in the window so it could catch the sunlight! There’s a perfect spot to hang it from. Hmmmm… Maybe I’ll go online and investigate today.😄

Things are sliding downhill fast. It’s so, so painful to eat or drink. How can I be expected to maintain my calorie intake if I can’t even effing swallow?

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