6 May – limbo, day 2

GRATITUDES:
1. Sautéed spinach (I love the stuff, craved it all through my pregnancy with my critters, and it’s still one of my favorite dark leafy greens providing it isn’t overcooked)
2. National Geographic (one of the few magazines I read cover to cover. Yes, I read the actual version made of tree pulp. I’m old school that way.)
3. My newly shaved head. So much easier to care for! (Okay, so the head coverings can get a bit sweaty and they smoosh my ears. It still isn’t a bad way to spend the Texas summer!)
4. Our home music library. Pure eclectic bliss. Right now I’m listening to Todd Rundgren’s “Wheel of Karma” from his “Another Live” album. Haven’t heard it in ages!

So the hospital called earlier this afternoon to say Hey, yo, we have a bed waiting for you, and now I’m completely confused. Was I supposed to drop everything and head back in? Did I do the right thing by telling them that Dr. Santiago wants to keep me on an outpatient basis, at least until we get the results of the bone marrow biopsy? Did I even understand Dr. Santiago’s recommendations correctly? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?? Isn’t anyone talking to anyone else? Geez, my first treatment two years ago was incredibly straightforward – six cycles of chemo, each cycle lasting 28 days, a few days break at the end of each cycle. Like clockwork. This new confusion and uncertainty is hair-pulling in comparison. It’s great to be home (never mind that my lump-like existence is being noticed and remarked on by certain members of the family, who are beginning to tease me about it), but I would really like to have a clear idea of where my treatment is headed. I’m beginning to wonder if my doc even knows what to do next. The whole brouhaha with United Healthcare really chucked a wrench into the works and set my treatment schedule back by a week at least. It’s going to take a while to regroup. Ugh. Well, I guess I can spend more time eating and maybe even doing some cooking, depending on how I feel. I may even be able to make those soup dumplings I’ve been obsessing about. So there’s that, I suppose. Not such a bad consolation!

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