25 August

GRATITUDES:
1. My little kitty attempting to crawl into my lap
2. Being able to pick up my kids at the same time after school
3. My tasty lunch

Welp, I now have a (tentative-ish) schedule for my upcoming hospitalization and marrow transplant. I’m due to go in on the morning of Sept. 21st (fall equinox day, wheee) and I’m supposed to begin five days of chemo, culminating in a full-body irradiation on the 26th with the Main Event, the actual transplant, on the 27th. Given that it’s nothing more than an infusion through my port, it’s probably going to feel very anticlimactic, but I’ll be monitored very closely for the next 15 days and on Day +3 (three days after the transplant), I’ll begin another two days of chemo. All of this is going to be very carefully orchestrated and during the time I’m in hospital, I’ll be kept in a room with a giant HEPA air filtration system going 24/7. During the appointment yesterday with Dr. Bachier and his coordinator, I was told that my hair is ONCE AGAIN going to fall out. Shit. And it was just starting to grow back. I have a fine soft dark pelt covering my head but I guess I can kiss that goodbye. Ugh. After all this chemical abuse I’m beginning to doubt that it will ever grow back! Honestly, this was the hardest news for me to accept. Not the possible mouth sores, not the possible sickness, not the fatigue, not the weeks of bored incarceration, not the meh hospital food. No, it was the hair issue. Oh yeah, and the eyebrows and eyelashes. I’m gonna look like a damn alien. AGAIN. Great.🙄

One good thing that I was able to glean from what Dr Bachier told me: My donor is being vetted even as I type this, and we were able to get Dr. Bachier’s first choice as well. Even better: I’ll have a chance to contact the donor after the transplant to pass along a hearty THANK YOU, which is amazing. This person, whoever he/she is, deserves a huge amount of gratitude.❤️

This is a fairly short post but I really don’t have much else to report other than a low creeping sense of dread, caused no doubt by the prospect of more hospital time with extra added toxic drugs. I am SOOOO done with all of this. I don’t want to lose my hair again. I don’t want to feel weak and useless. I don’t want to spend day after day sitting in a hospital room with little to do other than gazing out the window at the rest of the world. (Geez I hope I can get a room on the north side of the tower. At least the view is much better there.) I’ll take my yoga mat for some exercise but I’ve a feeling that the new chemo drugs I’ll be given will kick my ass every which way. I won’t want to get out of bed, let alone hold a plank pose for 30 seconds! I’m beginning to prepare for my incarceration by collecting a few meditation aids: incense, aromatherapy diffusers, my ever-present crystal collection (more because I think they’re pretty and make me happy than anything woo-woo). Of course, my singing bowl will once again be coming with me, as well as one of my soft cuddly blankets. I also plan on taking a generous supply of my coffee extract because, well… coffee! (I wonder if using our largest suitcase to pack would be overkill.😄)

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