22 October (day +23)

1. I’m still alive
2. I’m finally home
3. My cell counts aren’t crap

Yep, it’s been quite a while since I posted an update. The blog went dark while I put my head down and baby-stepped my way through some of the worst physical discomfort I’ve ever felt in my life. I had to focus on each day only, and I had to be careful not to look too far down the dark path that I had to tread. Even now that I’m home, I still don’t feel at all like my old self, more like a bloated husk or cardboard cutout. Some of the things I’ve been experiencing have a lot to do with the amount of meds I’m currently taking, I’m sure, but it doesn’t make it any less disturbing. Being in the car is its own surreal experience. When Rory drove me home yesterday all I wanted to do was curl up in a little whimpering ball, put my hands over my eyes, and pretend that the outside world was just an illusion.

I’m still measuring my “outputs”, which is pretty depressing given that I had hoped I had escaped the tyranny of the hat. It’s necessary though, because I still have about 10 pounds of water weight to shed and I won’t know how much liquid my body is throwing off unless I measure it. Ugh. I hate not being able to use the toilet normally. Makes me feel like an invalid.

My appetite still isn’t back to normal and it’s beginning to show in the hollows of my cheeks and my shoulders. I was eating sporadically while in the hospital and now that I’m home, things are improving but slowly. I had a big lunch consisting of leftover Indian takeout, which was delicious, but I need more calorie-dense foods. I may have to drink more of the Ensures that Rory got for me yesterday – they’re 220 calories per serving and they’re high in protein as well.

Now that I’m home, I’ll try to post more frequently (it’s not like I have anything to do anyway), but I’m not making any promises. If I feel like bashing out a few paragraphs then I will, but now that I’m home, things are going to become monotonous. Honestly, how creative can you get with “woke up, ate, sat around, ate some more, took meds, used the toilet, napped, took more meds, slept”?